I am in the fourth grade. I go to lancastre elementry school in south carolina. I have a mom, Dad, Brothre, and a sister. I live by the ocean. Everyday i smell the salty aroma from the ocean, I hear the blue waves running to the shore, the fall and slide back under the great deep. My name is Lily Marie Brady. Now i belive stuffed animals are alive.
Today it is September 23/ 2004. I woke up to the terrifying scream of my mothers voice. My mom and dad are financialy fighting. They are getting a divorce September, 30. That's in 7 days. I try to hold every minute wit my dad, Although he never wants to see nor talk to me.
On acasions i lay in my bed thinking about how life would be in heaven. Although i know god put me on his lucius earth he created to make a differnece. 10 Minutes till school. Time flew by so fast! School is the only place where i relive myself. My teachers name is Ms.hudvite. she teaches math, social studies, science, and language arts.
We wnts to school that day and did the usual. you know reading writting. That kind of stuff. Tpoday when i get home from school, i garentee you my parents will be fighting. They almost never pay any atention to me. It wouldnt even matter if i stayed here all night.
We leave for home in 10 minutes. I'm always on 3rd bus load. Ms.hudvite levaes the room for five minutes. One of the girls starts to through a stuffed animal. I run and hide my bpook bag under Ms.Huvites desk. I crawl under the sink, when i hear "3rd bus load is dissmissed, all studets are know dissmissed. I hear the teacher leave th elights soon follow. I get up and look for the emegancy flash light. I find black paper and tape it to the door. Then the lights come on. "I think to myuself i am stuck in the school all night. That same stuffed animal is still on the ground. I turn around for three seconds, to turn off the flash light, and the animal was right at my feet. Its dark, shinning eys looked like a dak summer night. He was alive.
Scared or Terrified
I look at the wall, it said 12:32. I was hidding under a desk. I thought i was hidding well, but then i looked to my left and there it was, the same animal. It looked alive, i know it's alive. Although it looks so helpless. I put my hand out. I touched it. "AAAHHH!" It melted. The pink plastic lay on the floor, like an abandoned penny. It was worth nothing but a terrifying memorie.
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ps. thank you thats what i have so far. scincerly,
Ellie
Wow, Ellie, what a story you have going! There is so much going on - the dynamics with her family, the living stuffed animals, and all that she has going on in her life. So the animals are alive? or not? Why do they melt? Is she dreaming? I like all the details you put in, about the salty aroma. I feel sad that her parents are so involved in their problems that she feels ignored. Where is her brother? How old is he? I love this story and I am hooked. Keep writing. I love that I have so many questions. The good writers don't answer all the reader's questions at once - that is how they keep readers interested. you are really good at that!
ReplyDeleteLove, Mom
"The pink plastic lay melted on the floor like an abandoned penny. It was worth nothing, but a terrifying memory."
ReplyDeleteOkay, I offer some paraphrasing here, but that is a GREAT "word picture." But it begs many questions. Does this girl have the ability like Drew Barrymore in FireStarter to be a human microwave oven?
As your mom asks above "are the stuffed animals really alive?”
When we were reading this together earlier you mentioned that there were words that you saw that were misspelled. You can run a spell-check on them by opening the "Pages" application and running a check there. It's under the edit menu. You can even check the "spell check as you type" option. I did this myself before posting this comment, as I am far from perfect.
However, if having red squiggly lines suddenly appear as you type ruin the flow of writing, disable that option and do it at your leisure. What is important here is that you are getting great ideas out. You have some great creativity going on here.
Keep this up!